Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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