Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
