so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
