my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
