no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
