First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
