we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
