Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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