we're chasing vodka with high fives
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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