i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
