You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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