We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
