Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
