I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
