I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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