When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
