I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
