It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
