Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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