She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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