How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
