they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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