I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
