I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish i was in the wii world.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just high enough for therapy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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