Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
