she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
whose parrot is this?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
