Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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