My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we made out on top of his cat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
