I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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