thus making me awesome and them whores
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
