The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
