He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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