I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
