Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
