I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
