he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
