My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You made out with two different species that night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
