He felt like a one man threesome
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
