you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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