no you cant smoke seaweed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
