My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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