How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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