But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
