I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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