dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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