Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
