Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
