Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
