Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
