hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
