It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
