Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
