3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
