hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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