Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
