he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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