You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
