He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
