Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ok first of all what the fuck
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
