i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
